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On this, the opener of their outta-nowhere debut, Mick Mars presents us with one of the most self-assuredly ugly guitar sounds of all time, pure punk, just a mean-spirited grunt, really. Welcome to the Jungle validated everything else. Has there ever been a man more suited to the job of rock star than Jon Bon Jovi?

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The end result was a platinum selling monster anchored by this near-perfect ode to all-that-is-heavy. And the video had ancient funnyman Milton Berle in drag, so that was cool, too. It initially tanked, but then this annoyingly irresistible ear-worm took hold on rock radio and shot them into platinum status.

Madness, chaos, and many millions of dollars followed in its wake. It still stinks up the room with the foul stench of whiskey, cigarettes and regret every time it plays. They were sponsored by a pen company, for chrissakes.

That was basically their whole angle, they were grosser than everybody else. Hair metal is a virus that infects us all.

It went beyond art, beyond commerce, it remained cool no matter how popular it got, and every second of it is exactly right. They had a charismatic frontman, a great sense of humour, and for a good few years, a seemingly endless well of radio-baiting hit songs. Hair metal bands were the electric Caligulas of the Reagan age. But then again, those are all the things people loved about glam, too.

The good-time glam-metal LA rock bangers that defined the pop metal 1980s

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There are programs, including online, trying to make an adjustment to its volume level, but using methods already overcome. Time has only strengthened their legacy and songs like Here I Go Again sound positively regal in comparison to plastic-fantastic hits from the same era by goons like Danger Danger or the Bulletboys. Do we rock until we drop, or do we get it smooth up in ya? Poison will be the soundtrack to your next family picnic.

Most of the principal players were cretins. Pure lightning in a bottle. When it died, it deserved to, but when it thrived, it was truly a wonder to behold, the most wretchedly majestic musical movement ever conceived. Live Wire is the greatest punk-slash-deathrock-slash-glitterrock anthem of all-time.

No band exemplified the hedonistic pleasures of hair metal as effortlessly as Ratt did. By this point, they were metal royalty, the absolute kings of glam, and this song was the soundtrack to their coronation. It was the pinnacle achievement for a band of druggy, half-starved burnouts who turned out to be the architects of a brave new world.

It was literally everywhere. It remains one of the most recognizable and still-welcome songs of the entire era. None of it should work, but all of it works.

The good-time glam-metal LA rock bangers that defined the pop metal 1980s

While the groan-worthy power-ballad House of Pain became their biggest hit, this is the one they really meant. It sounds dated and it should. How would we ever gauge our current state of metal health? Naughty Boy - La La La feat.

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You may very well get buried in a Kiss Koffin. And you can kinda see why. Or whether we were gonna take it or not? Glam metal had already existed for years before it, but none of it even mattered until this song was unleashed. Talk about right place, marble textures right time.

Louder Together we're Louder. Ministry of Sound - Louder!

This document has been translated from its original Central European language, we are working on debugging the translation. It is the warm and fuzzy memory of sticky cinema floors and weekends haunting arenas with cigarette lighters hoisted to the heavens. Ronald Reagan was the leader of the free world, and he was a war-baiting maniac.

We must all obey its weighty words. Who knew this guy had it in him? And nobody was as sleazy as Faster Pussycat. Magnetic Man - I Need Air feat. And he could sing like a motherfucker, too.